Conversations
with mom
From the Family Archives
May 2018 – July 2018
May 29, 2018
MOM
Ann, what is the difference between a bridal shower and a bachelorette?
ANN
Uh, I don’t know.
MOM
Dahh.
Do you bring a gift to the bachelorette?
ANN
I don’t think so.
MOM
I don’t know how these things work.
We never had a bachelorette or bridal shower party for my wedding.
ANN
Well, when I get married I’ll make it easy on you and just elope.
MOM
Ha. Before you can think about getting married you need to get a boyfriend first.
ANN
Well played mom, well played.
July 1, 2018
MOM
(turns on “A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas”)
Christmas in July.
…
I have nice cleavage.
ANN
(laughs)
July 1, 2018
(Mom and I finally seeing each other after 6 months.)
MOM
I should have listened to my intuition. I said to myself, “Susan, your daughter is coming home and if you don’t clean up this kitchen you will regret it because that Ann of your’s will drop something and make a mess.”
(Truth. I spilled grease all over the floor and inside the oven. Poor Mama.)
July 2, 2018
MOM
Give me your feet.
ANN
Why?
MOM
They stink.
ANN
They do not.
MOM
You need to soak them in Listerine and then put deodorant on them and make sure to get in between the toes, just like I told you to. You don’t listen.
ANN
I see what you are really doing here, mom.
(surrenders feet)
You missed me, didn’t you?
(She even latered my smiley-yellow-docs with baking soda.)
